I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
