How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
