so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize