he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
