I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
