I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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