Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
