I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
