I will die if light touches me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
