That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
