Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
