I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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