he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
