the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
