I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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