Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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