His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
