So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
