So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
