I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
