It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize