never play flip cup with pint glasses
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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