AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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