you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
