weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You can't motorboat a personality
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
