my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
be right there i have to get my cape
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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