Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
