Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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