i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
