I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
