Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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