I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize