u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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