fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize