Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
