friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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