how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
