why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
