Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
