He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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