he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize