Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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