dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize