i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize