what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
