chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
