Im at strip club and am horny
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
