You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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