I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
