have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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