well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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