So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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