I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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