On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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