Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
