So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do vagina's smell?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
