I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
