it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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