did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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