I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
