she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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