we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
