I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
