Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
