who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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