i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
