I'm lost and stupid without you.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
