everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
meet me or not, i'm out of control
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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