Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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