This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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