2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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