is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
