he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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