Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pants are for mortals
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
