I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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