this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
two words: eviction party
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
