she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
