Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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