Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
