Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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