dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
