I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
